#10: Camouflage Mode: Deactivated

A guide for anyone who disappears in public.

Process check-in:

This was a big week — we gained 43 subscribers and now have 161 amazing readers!!

This means… we passed the 150 milestone!!! Come on, party with me! 🥳🥳🕺🕺

Welcome to all who are new here! ❤️

---

Built for the Background

As the youngest of six, I’m used to being invisible.

The shadow feels familiar. It’s comforting and warm, like a cozy blanket.

I’m a pro at not being noticed in a crowd, and my body plays along:

• My shoulders tense up

• My hands dive into my pockets

• My feet develop a magnetic attraction to the floor

• My elbows glue themselves to my torso

• My voice sounds like the volume was turned off

I’ve even mastered the art of pretending to be on important phone calls whenever someone walks toward me.

And I know I’m not the only one.

Maybe you hide behind a stack of folding chairs.

Or hang out at the drinks table the whole time.

Either way, we’ve all found our ways to blend in. And it works.

---

Same Story, New Problem

These strategies served me well for a long time.

But now, as a mostly-functioning adult, I’m ready to step out of the corner and actually be seen.

Maybe you’ve felt that too.

We want to meet new people, but we can’t uncross our arms. We want to speak up, but we feel like disappearing.

That’s when this superpower becomes a trap.

It’s not that social avoidance is inherently bad. But when it conflicts with our desire to connect, to be known, or to belong… That’s when it becomes a problem.

---

The Science of Smallness

Three reasons why we shrink ourselves:

• Fear of judgment: We try to stay under the radar to avoid disapproval. “If I’m not noticed, I won’t be rejected.”

• Stress response: Being around people can spike cortisol, the brain’s stress hormone. Making ourselves invisible deactivates that “high alert” mode.

• Social conditioning: Many of us were praised for not taking up space as kids. Maybe it was pseudo-politeness, or we were praised for finally not being “too much.”

So yeah, this is real. And “just be confident” doesn’t fix it.

So what does?

---

Rewriting the Script

Here’s what helped me. In fact, it was transformative:

Before I speak or walk into a room full of people, I give myself a moment to:

• Swing my arms with intentionally big, open gestures

• Do some loud vocal warm-ups

• Stretch my face, jaw, and mouth muscles like I’m auditioning for a cartoon

Why it works:

Big movements signal safety to the brain.

• They reduce amygdala activation (aka your fight-or-flight center)

• They break the freeze response and get you moving

• And they just loosen you up—your body, your voice, your energy—so you feel a little more at home in a crowd.

After trying these, you might feel more confident, sound louder, and feel like you gained a few inches.

---

The takeaway

Before your next presentation or group event, sneak away into a bathroom stall or behind the building, and make a fool of yourself.

Do the things. I’m sure you’ll feel ridiculous. But then, hopefully, you’ll feel ready.

You might stop feeling apologetic for taking up space.

And who knows? People might actually appreciate seeing more of you.

Oh, and if you ever hear someone howling behind a dumpster… it’s probably me. Feel free to join.

Until next time,

Eli

P.S. If this post made you feel seen, scroll down and click the heart. It helps me feel seen, too ❤️

P.P.S. I’m thinking about a future piece on emotional support and AI. I’d love to know your experience. Please respond below:

Thanks for your help!