#8: Unpacking Uncertainty
The science, struggles, and my solutions (please steal them!)
Process check-in:
The subscriber momentum has slowed (still at 109). But that’s okay, because I have you :)
Also, I tried drafting a comprehensive outline before writing this edition, and it was a game changer. Highly recommend!
👉As always, please share to help me hit 200!
Today, I want to talk about what may be the only certain thing in life: dealing with uncertainty.
It seems that life begins simply — rich with structure, safety, and with most decisions made for us. But as we grow older, it can feel like our lives become a web of uncertainty. And, I don’t know why, there’s no user manual.
Dealing with uncertainty, well… isn’t my strong point. So I’ve gone deep into learning why I feel this way, and what I can do about it. I’m here to share what I’ve learned.
*pulls up chair* Let’s do this:
Meet Joanne
While Joanne is a fictional character I invented for this newsletter edition, her story might sound familiar.
When Joanne was 8 years old, her life was like clockwork: cereal at 7:30, school bus at 7:53, and cafeteria jello on Wednesdays (if she was lucky).
By 16, she was caught up with grades, dramatic friendships, and planning for college.
At 34, she had two small children and worried about making ends meet. She wondered if pausing her career had been the right choice.
By 52, her husband frequently traveled for work, her kids lived across the globe, and she developed a health condition. She stayed awake at nights with fears about her family’s safety and becoming a burden.
As Joanne’s life changed, the uncertainties just took new forms.
There are big uncertainties — world news, finances, loved ones. And there are small uncertainties — a work project, a mysterious leak in the basement, an overdue library book.
Everywhere we turn, there are question marks.
It can feel impossible not to stress. We think: if we only had a crystal ball…
How are we to cope with constant uncertainty?
Why uncertainty feels so icky (and what to do about it)
Feeling like something is “off” can definitely trickle (or flood!) our moods and ruin the way we feel.
When we understand what’s driving our fear of uncertainty, we can find the right tools to manage it — and start feeling better.
Here are five reasons why we struggle with the unknown, and how to approach each one:
Loss of control: Facing uncertainty may leave us feeling helpless, like we have no influence over the outcome.
What to do: Focus on small, tangible choices. Even deciding on your afternoon snack or which gas station to stop at can restore a sense of control and lift your mood.
Decision making: It’s hard to make good choices when important information is missing. We risk making decisions we’ll regret, and get stuck in the process.
What to do: Figure out the worst realistic outcome. Accept that it’s a possibility. Then, make the best decision you can with what you know right now, and remind yourself that few decisions are actually irreversible.
Perceived danger: Our nervous systems naturally scan for potential risks to keep us safe. That’s useful when crossing a street, but with uncertainty, it often leads to worst-case “what ifs” or catastrophizing, which can feel overwhelming.
What to do: Disengage the fight-or-flight by grounding yourself in the present. Try slow, deep breaths, stretching, or noticing five things you can see, hear, or touch around you.
Delayed reward: When things are left open ended, we crave that cha-ching feeling, that dopamine rush that comes with closure.
What to do: Get your dopamine elsewhere. Exercise, finish a task (however small), or cross something off your list to give your brain that sense of satisfaction.
Rumination: Uncertainty can lead to endless mental reviews: what you could, should, can’t, or might do.
What to do: Break the cycle by focusing on facts. Write down what you actually know, without hypotheticals, to get out of the tailspin and focus forward.
The takeaway
There’s no magic way to make the unknown feel easy. But we can do things that help with the stress it brings.
The good news is, practice makes perfect better: the more we’re exposed to uncertainty, the better we become at dealing with it. We can build our tolerance by slowly practicing and becoming okay with that uncomfortable feeling of not knowing.
Maybe we can even challenge ourselves to seek out opportunities that push our boundaries.
The bottom line is, uncertainty isn’t going anywhere. But like monsters under the bed, it’s not as scary once we face it.
So get out there, and show those monsters who’s boss.
Till next time,
Eli
Eli, this post was like a warm hug for my anxious brain. I especially loved the reminder that even small choices can restore a sense of control. Saving this one for the next time I spiral into “what if” land. Thank you for making the unknown feel a little less terrifying.