#9: On Avoiding Avoidance

A simple formula to beat procrastination

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Houston, We Have A Problem

Last month, I was studying for my comprehensive exams. (Read: doing everything possible not to study.)

Studying is hard. And boring.

I really didn’t want to study, but failing wasn’t an option.

I felt increasingly anxious and overwhelmed as exam day approached, and I avoided studying with more and more conviction.

Let’s unpack this

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The Behavior Loop

We’re less likely to do something uncomfortable, and more likely to do what makes us feel good.

For example:

• When you accidentally touched the stove, it was hot and painful (i.e., a negative punishment, in technical-speak). Since then, you’re probably more careful in the kitchen.

• But when you ate that gourmet ice cream? It hit all the spots (i.e., positive reinforcement). You would do it again, any day of the week.

So, why do we procrastinate?

• Because we’re avoiding something we don’t want to face. We’re caught in a mental tug of war between discomfort (action) and comfort (inaction).

With that, back to my studying problems. Here’s what happened next:

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Enter: The Formula

Whoever said that magic isn’t real?

After doing ridiculous things like frantically googling “How to stop avoiding studying,” I eventually found salvation in the form of a magic formula.

It goes like this:

• If I [do the thing], I’m afraid that [negative consequence] will happen.

Or, more simply:

• If I —— , I’m worried that ——.

It’s deceptively simple.

This formula forced me to identify what I was avoiding. Here’s what I discovered:

• “If I [start to study], I’m afraid that [I’ll feel terrible about how much I don’t know and will have to study even more].”

Oof. That’s raw.

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Lessons Learned (get it?)

Once I identified the underlying fear, I could finally address it. My first reframe was simple:

• “Twenty minutes a day is better than nothing.”

That helped me get started.

But let’s be real: twenty minutes a day wouldn’t get me across the finish line. I knew I needed to really study.

And, once I realized I needed a new strategy to help me feel better while studying, the question became:

• How do I study without feeling like a nauseous, nerdy robot?

I posted an SOS on my cohort’s WhatsApp group, and together we set up a study powwow.

We studied for days, and it was actually enjoyable.

In the end, I did what I needed to without encountering the painful feelings I had been avoiding.

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The Takeaway

The only way out is through. The only way out is around.

Once you see what you’re avoiding, you can find a way around it. Use the magic formula to uncover underlying fears. Then, find what will help you move forward.

More applications:

• If working out makes you feel terrible about your fitness level...

  • Solution: Don’t push too hard. Make your workout fun by playing your favorite music. Have that berry yogurt parfait you save for special occasions.

• If you’re reluctant to put your phone away and go to sleep because you feel stressed about tomorrow…

  • Reframe: Focus on how much better tomorrow will be if you are more rested.

Here’s a secret: it’s not just about reframes or solutions. Awareness itself helps decrease resistance to whatever you want to do.

So, get out there and find your proverbial ice cream, that positive reinforcer for your situation.

And maybe that’s real ice cream… No judgment here.

Until next time,

Eli

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PS: I welcome all comments, feedback, and reactions!

Please use the comment section or “reply” button to let me know how this landed for you, or if there’s a topic you would love to see me write about.